Kathmandu Restaurant

Kathmandu Restaurant

110 North Jefferson Street

Nederland.

Andrew gives Kathmandu 4.5 chews out of 5.

$9 all-you-can-eat-buffet? what more can you ask for after hiking (or not), especially if it's nepalese/indian food?! EAT HERE!!!

That is all I really have to say, so I will conclude this with the following:

(note: This is a completely satirical article that is meant to mimic The Onion newspaper. While some parts of the story are real, none of the "facts" or quotations presented in the article are intended, or proven to be true.)
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This is a tribute to The Onion.

Nepalese restaurant owner mistakes the the Rocky Mountains for the Himalayas.

by Andrew

It was 20 years ago when Rasham Gurung, owner of the family-owned Kathmandu Restaurant in Nederland CO, got on a plane to escape the annoying tourists who flooded her Himalayan town.  She was looking for a town that better represented her heritage.  Gurung said she "was sick of hearing about all of the American's who would come and eat at my restaurant before dying on our mountains. They were ruining our culture!"  It was that very mentality that led her to board a plane, and get out of "that sherpa shit hole."  It was a real surprise to Gurung when her plane ride lasted nearly 14 hours.  "I was worried at first because I couldn't see the Himalayas out of the window, but then I was more worried when I got off the plane, and I was at a mysterious unnamed airport in Nederland, Colorado," says Gurung about the incident.  She admits that even though she was nervous and sobbing, the mistake was one of the best of her life.  "I only realized how much hikers love all-you-can-eat-buffets once I got to Colorado.  People are always active, so I thought they would need a lot of food."  Gurung was right, even the most cutting-edge scientific research shows that hiking makes people hungry.  Nutritionist Rachel Goldsmith explains that "hiking is a physical activity, which has a caloric cost related to it.  People need food to replenish that cost."  

Harvey Kalther, a regular at Kathmandu, says "it was so good I could barely finish my sixth plate." Harvey currently hikes 23 miles everyday so he can practice taking advantage of this "eighth wonder of the world."

After Gurung confirmed her thought by reading Goldsmith's explanation—which she found using Google—she knew she could only do one thing:  "This is when I started making the only food I knew how, and people just loved it," she says.

At first when Gurung's family heard about the airlines mistake, they were indifferent. However, after Gurung informed them of her success, they decided to immediately join her.  "I just had to get a piece of that shit," is the way Gurung's fourth cousin, Yangani, put it.  This is how the success transformed into a warm family restaurant. Although Yangani says that "it was almost like the restaurant started the family."

"I thought it was funny," says Gurung, "American's caused this accident, then they helped me solve it."  Gurung then incidentally mentioned, "I hope America can do something like this with all their other problems."

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Boulder Greens

Boulder Greens

1135 Broadway Street, B

Boulder.

Andrew gives Boulder Greens 4 chews out of 5.

After displaying very healthy choices on a two section menu of salads and wraps, and also featuring a very reasonable custom order option, Boulder Greens is finally confirmed as not being a Medical Marijuana Dispensary.

Boulder Greens is a salad and wrap joint located underneath an art supply store on the Hill. After I ordered a custom wrap (obviously I got a custom one because I think my creations are good, whether or not it is true), I sat outside on the patio, which has a great view of the cars rushing down Broadway. It also has a great view of curious students who walk by on the sidewalk with a facial expression that makes it obvious they are thinking, "What is Boulder Greens? Why is it hanging out in the shadows under an art supply store? Do they serve salad?…or…what? Marijuana?" Their faces have such strong expressions that their pores actually dilate and shout that quotation. Anyway, I wanted to be the first person to go out of their way and formally announce that no, Boulder Greens is not what you think it is. It is just a salad place. Well, and wraps.

Anyway, back to my brilliant custom wrap. The checklist that I had to fill out (myself…ugh) was slightly confusing. It said I could check in 8 items to build my own unique wrap. I did exactly that. When I gave the cash register lady my custom wrap card with all my items checked off, she kind of suggested that the tortilla and lettuce choices didn't count as part of the 8. Did I get gypped? (Sorry to my massive gypsy following on this blog for using such a derogatory term.) Furthermore, since I thought tortilla and lettuce both counted as a selection, and since I wanted to get as many vegetables on my wrap as possible, I neglected to pick a salad dressing. I felt that given 8 options, I could exclude salad dressing and get away with a pretty good wrap; however, if I knew I could have picked (technically) 10 boxes, including a tortilla and lettuce, I might have even picked TWO dressings. Who knows!? Knowing that, the lady asked if I wanted dressing. I told her no, trying to make it seem like I knew that I had already built the best wrap ever, even though inside I really wanted some balsamic vinaigrette tossed into it. I ended up just using the (FREE!) bottle of Tapatío hot sauce that was sitting on the table on the patio to lather my wrap. It just felt right at the time.

So there are basically four things you need to know about Boulder Greens. (1) If you ever go there and wonder where all the people walking up the adjacent stairs are going, don't worry…they are just super indie and buying art supplies. (2) If you order custom, make sure you are aware of all the rules first so you can optimize your experience. (3) This is in fact a salad place, granted they can also wrap their salads in a tortilla, hence the wrap selection. (4) I am very happy to say that at this fine establishment there were absolutely no assholes.

Dusty Boot

Dusty Boot

St. James Place, #304

Beaver Creek.

Andrew gives Dusty Boot 1 chew out of 5.

I hate terrible service. My tip reflects it.

I am a true tipper. I don't give you anything you don't deserve. I'm not a standard 15-20% tipper. I would be willing to pay only 35 cents as a tip for a $18.65 meal. In fact, I did exactly that at the Dusty Boot.

We sat down to order at this restaurant, and I was doing just fine. Finer than normal, actually. Then we ordered. I said I'd have the vegetarian fajitas. The waitress asked if I wanted the side of guacamole. Naturally, I asked if it costs extra money. She said, "yeah, $2.00," and I said, "no thanks." She then responded in this ridiculous tone while she said "well this is gonna be a great night!" It was just rude. I literally could not get her tone, or her obvious expectation for a higher priced check out of my head for the entire meal.

When my vegetarian fajitas came, the only two things I could think were, "god this bitch is the scum of the service world" and "why is there broccoli in my fajitas." Broccoli is a great vegetable, it is just not part of a fajita. It is simply not mexican. I love you broccoli, but it's just not your dish. I got over the broccoli fast, like pretty damn fast actually... But I didn't forgive our waitress for her obnoxious desire for me to have $2.00 guacamole.

I don't know your name, waitress, but I left my blog URL on the check, so I hope you found it. Pissing me off about $2.00 guacamole will cost you more than it ever could have earned you. You didn't even deserve the 35 cents, I just did that so my bill would be an even $19.00, you asshole.