Umami Burger

Umami Burger

850 South La Brea Boulevard

Los Angeles.

Andrew gives Umami Burger 5 chews out of 5.

Today, I had my first real hamburger. My life isn't average. The opposite of FML. (323): I just experienced Umami Burger.

Before we talk food, lets talk parking. No one wants to pay any kind of money to a parking attendant standing in front of any restaurant to have him park your car in front of you in plain sight. It always makes me wonder why I can't just park it myself...so that's exactly what I do at Umami burger. Go one street east of La Brea and there is 2 hour parking in a permitted neighborhood. Don't let those parking attendants at Umami make themselves feel like they earned anything by simply driving your car 5 feet away from you and then parking it, because that is a service no one needs... unless they get off on strangers people parking their car.

When you step into Umami Burger the first few things you will think are, "nice little-kid drawings above the register" and "wow, what is that guy eating." First off, those little kid drawings are probably done by adults, and secondly "that guy" is probably eating the Umami Burger. Who wouldn't play it safe by ordering the burger named after the restaurant? Or did the egg come before the chicken? Either way, the Umami Burger is a good choice to share the name of the restaurant. It has a roasted tomato, a perfectly cooked shitake mushroom, and a crunchy cheese cracker all stacked perfectly on top of the most perfected, most well cooked, most delicious tasting, juicy hamburger patty I have ever had. Not only that, this stack is all contained inside the perfectly cooked, crunchy-on-the-outside-but-softer-on-the-inside bun. When you look at this hamburger it makes you think of the typical hamburger you'd see in a cartoon from the 70s, or rather, any cartoon for that matter. It is almost ball shaped. A delicious ball shape of a hamburger. Also, the shape and consistency of the whole hamburger makes it super easy to cut in half if you want to share with a friend, lover, co-worker, or even a stranger. This makes it easy to order only one burger but then be able to sample 2 burgers by trading with someone. Don't trade with strangers, that was a joke.

All the hamburgers have the perfect toppings, the perfect bun, and the perfectly cooked patty which makes the burger so juicy and perfect. I really can't go through describing each burger because this post would be a million pages long. I'll ordinally rank my favorites with brief descriptions.

(1) The Umami Burger — Previously described.

(2) The Truffle Burger — So truffly a pig would die from over-sensation. Truffle oil in the burgers juice, truffle cheese as a topping, but most importantly, more truffle glaze on top of the patty.

(3) The Hatch— Perfectly spicy and juicy

at the same time. It reminds me of firemen popping out of a hatch, even though the burger isn't that spicy at all...it would never need firemen to help put out the flames.

(4) The So-Cal Burger— Don't be turned off by this incredibly lame name, it's a good burger. If you are the type of person who would order California Roll at a fancy sushi bar, you'd probably like this burger, even though the two have almost nothing in common aside from avocado.

NOTE: Concerning The Manly Burger. Not only does it look like the most probable cause for artery blockage due to sandwich digestion I've ever seen in person, but the actual burger itself doesn't look like the rest... it looks like a human heart having a heart attack on a plate. Actually, it probably tastes amazing. Below is The Manly Burger, only with minimal heart attack. The one I saw in person had far more overflowing cheese and bacon.

A few other side notes. The ginger ale that they serve is bottled, and the server said it's good and made from real ginger, but it just does not compare to Reed's Ginger Brew. So if you are a fan of Reed's, don't be let down by any of the servers recommendation to this "ginger" ale.

Get skinny fries, not fat fries. That is just common sense, though. They have a really great garlic aioli and a home made ketchup that they bring with it in a little asian style soup eating spoon. The asian soup spoons make sense becuase Umami is an asian word. Japanese, actually. So I guess the spoons are more specifically Japanese.

Oh also, if you like beets, get the Truffle Beet Salad. Really good and light to have right before your heavy, beautiful, luciously-juicy, dripping with love burger.

When you get your bill, remember to write the total, and don't leave your number on the check... even if it's a joke. I left my number on the check as a joke. A male server, who was not the lady serving us, ran after me as we left the restaurant. It scared me because I thought I unconsciously broke a law that says "do not leave your number on restaurant checks," or something. He told me I forgot to write the total in the allotted space. I felt like an idiot. It was super awkward trying to write the total in against the stucco wall of a building down the block from the restaurant as the server looked over my shoulder and could blatantly see my phone number written above my signature. If he questioned it, I was thinking I would tell him that it is simply part of my signature, kind of like how Shaquille O'Neal used to follow his signature with "#34" when he signed Laker oriented items. The server who chased me down into an awkward confrontation, he's an asshole.