Del Taco

1100 13th Street

Boulder.

Andrew gives Del Taco ZERO chews.

Ever since Del Taco opened on the Hill, I promised to never go there.  I obviously broke that promise, but the Hill also sold out not only to corporate America, but to Del Taco, so whatever.  I was extremely surprised to see a few choices of burgers and fries at a place that literally translates into "Of the Taco," but I was even more surprised that Del Taco didn't try to Mexicanize their names and then trademark them... Papas Del Fritas™ would be pretty fitting.

I'm not saying I hate fast food or that I'm against eating at extremely unhealthy restaurants (because obviously I did)... it's just that I really think their spot could be used to birth a restaurant that is more true to Boulder, and maybe even builds on that unique vibe that the Hill gives off. Instead, it seems that the "Mexican" chain is really just trying to use its extremely cheap, low quality menu to feed on the appetites that would come along with being extremely drunk, high or just thrifty and/or self-loathing.

I ordered three tacos: Tacos Del Carbon™ [$1.69], MACHO Taco® [$1.99], and the Crispy Fish Taco™ [$1.99].

I got the chicken version of the Tacos Del Carbon™, which are basically Tacos al Carbon, but all Delled up.  This was definitely the best taco out of the 3.

Offered in form of soft or crunchy taco, the MACHO Taco® is "packed with so much meat" that they actually tell you to "please use caution when lifting" in their website description.  As if I was scared to lose some of my precious Del Taco meat in my effort to bite the thing?  No, but I should have been more scared about how the 17 grams of fat that I was ingesting would make my body feel after eating this spiced beef taco with hot sauce and "fresh" salsa, lettuce, and cheese.  At least the beef is described as "spiced" and not "fresh," honesty is the best policy.

The Crispy Fish Taco™ was served with a fresh lime, but the freshness ends there.  It is described as a "fish filet," but I can assure you they are more like tiny little nugget things. Some of these nuggets of pre-breaded frozen Alaskan Pollock are fried up to make the taco's fishy base.  Then some abnormally hard pieces of cabbage and what was supposed to be some kind of pico de gallo salsa, or something, topped it all off. There was supposed to be some sort of "creamy secret sauce" on it, but I don't think there was any on my taco, and I'm glad about that. The entire thing was actually pretty flavorless, which is weird because the description for this taco starts off with "want flavor?" I had to douse it in all three kinds of hot sauce in order to finish it off (Del Taco's hot sauce packets are AWESOME, but we'll get to that later).  This is what Del Taco thinks their Crispy Fish Taco™ looks like, but in reality it looks like this:

By far and away, the best thing about Del Taco is their hot sauce packets.  The mild hot sauce offers a nice flavor, but without the fiery consequences.  The medium hot sauce, or more commonly referred to as Del Scorcho™, actually used to be the "beyond hot" flavor, but the Del Taco hot sauce scientists decided to demote it to "medium," which is slightly watery for some reason, but it still offers a very nice flavor in tandem with a subtle zing of hotness.  The Del Inferno™ is the "hot" option at Del Taco. It allows you to appreciate its flavors while getting a fiery burn on at the same time, which is why I took a handful home with me.

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I was getting pretty much exactly what I expected from Del Taco. If you love Boulder and it's food scene, I say we do something to get Del Taco off the Hill. I really think that they would fit in way better with Arby's, Taco Bell, Wendy's and McDonald's over near the Base Mar Shopping Center on Baseline. Who do they think they are? Better than Taco Bell? Doubtful. Assholes.

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